I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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