actually, I'm a sock model
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
