Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
