using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
