That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
