May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
