u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I accidentally had phone sex last night
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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