just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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