i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
sex in a hospital.. check
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
