i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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