So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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