Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
