I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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