HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
