There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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