He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My balls are so social today.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
