this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
