i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
