wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
