So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
