Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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