Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
