I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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