the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
