Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
