This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
