Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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