I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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