i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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