RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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