Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
