ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
