hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
