Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
