Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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