I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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