He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
