Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Holy sore nipples Batman
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
