Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
