ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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