I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
