What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
