I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
