Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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