Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
