Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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