I'm going to jail i love you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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