i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
