I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
