all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
